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Posts Tagged ‘newborns’

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Gentle Baby Care

Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?

Think about it: Before the baby entered your family, your toddler was told he’d have a wonderful little brother to play with, and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother is born and your toddler is thinking, “Are you kidding me? This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be FUN?” He then “plays” with the baby in the only ways he knows how. He plays catch. You yell at him for throwing toys at the baby. He plays hide-and-seek. You yell at him to get the blanket off the baby. He gives the kid a hug, and you admonish him to be more careful. Is it any wonder that your toddler is confused?

Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.

Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.

Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.

Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.

Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.

Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.

Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”

Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.

Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.

Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.

Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.

Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.

Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group Inc. from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips by Elizabeth Pantley, Copyright 1999. http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

by Rachel Paxton

So you’ve brought your newborn baby home from the hospital. Congratulations!

With the birth of your baby comes a new set of challenges. It is truly wonderful to become a new parent or a parent once again, but let’s face it, the first weeks of your newborn’s life can be quite stressful and overwhelming at times.

Our youngest son is one month old today. Looking back over the past couple of weeks there have been a lot of happy moments, but even though I’ve been through all this before with three other children, I had honestly forgotten how tiring taking care of a newborn can be.

One thing I hadn’t bargained for with the newest addition to our family was his size! Our son weighed 10 pounds and was 21 inches long when he was born. For the past month I have been feeding him every two to three hours for a half an hour at a time. It’s amazing how much time that eats up every day when you have a house and other children to take care of. It has taken me weeks to adjust to our new “schedule.” Here are some tips that have helped me get through the first weeks of our son’s life:

Ask for Help

If you have any friends or family around who have offered to give a helping hand, don’t be afraid to ask for help. For me, it’s not so much that I feel I need help getting things done, as much as I feel like I’m neglecting my twin 4-year-old sons. The past few weeks they have done everything in their power to get my attention, as negative as that might be! They love their new baby brother, but they are getting a lot less attention than they are used to. They’re lucky if mom gets them breakfast and lunch at a decent hour and if they are dressed by noon. It’s been nice to have family around to get the boys out of the house once in awhile to burn off some of their extra energy and give them the extra attention they need and deserve.

Delegate Household Chores

If you have other children and they aren’t already helping out with household chores, now is the time for them to start. I’m guilty for doing too much for my 4-year-old’s, and they are definitely old enough to do more things for themselves, like dressing themselves, putting away their toys, and putting their dinner dishes in the kitchen. If you’re used to having a clean and organized home, you may have to ease up on this a bit for at least the next couple of months. The baby has to be cared for first, than the rest of your family. Unfortunately, housework ends up last on the list!

Plan Your Meals

If you’re really organized you prepared and froze some meals ahead of time before the birth of your baby. Most people probably haven’t thought this far ahead, however, and I know I sure didn’t feel like cooking even when I was pregnant. One thing you can do to help simplify dinner time is to plan your meals ahead of time. Sit down once a week and plan your meals for the next week before you go grocery shopping. Even when you don’t feel like cooking it’s nice to have a list of meals you can choose from and know you have the ingredients to prepare them.

Find a Mentor

If this is your first baby and you don’t have any close female family members, reach out to a friend, neighbor, or someone from your church to give you moral support. You can also join a local moms’ group like MOPS. There are a lot of new things to learn and babies unfortunately don’t come with an instruction manual. You need someone you can ask questions to, no matter how silly your questions may seem.

Call Your Pediatrician

Umbilical cord care, circumcision, jaundice, colic, thrush, cradle cap…these are just a few of the things your newborn may have to experience during his or her first few weeks of life. If you have any questions at all regarding these conditions, don’t be afraid to call your pediatrician. That is what they’re there for. It’s scary when your baby has to go through these things and you don’t know what’s wrong with them. Almost all of these things are perfectly normal and will pass, although some conditions do need to be treated and/or looked at by your baby’s doctor. It’s better to be safe than sorry, so don’t be afraid to call.

Having a baby is an exciting time in your life; however, it is also exhausting. Your house won’t be as clean as you want it to be, your other children may get jealous, and your spouse even may feel neglected at times. Just remember that this, too, will pass. Enjoy all the time you spend with your newborn, they don’t stay small for long!

Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For resources for the Christian family, including parenting, toddler and preschool activities, homeschooling, family traditions, and more, visit http://www.Christian-Parent.com