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Posts Tagged ‘time out’

by Henrietta Joyce

Dr. Phil in his effective parenting survey of 17,000 people found that the two top challenges facing parents were making punishment work and improving school performance. In my experience as a class teacher and coach I have noticed that the biggest obstacle to maintaining effective discipline within the home is a lack of constructive, consistent discipline. Effective discipline should be positive, constructive and for correction rather than punitive. Many parents look upon discipline as a last resort when they are in a rage and therefore were confused and inconsistent in their use of Time Out.

Picture this! Your child is screaming like you are killing him, arms flaying wildly feet thrashing around. You feel angry and frustrated and you’d like to respond by shouting back at him or worse still giving him a swift slap on the bottom. Does this resonate with you? Well I’ve experienced this many times too. Tantrums are unfortunately horribly normal. Most young children have tantrums, throw toys, bite or stomp when they are frustrated. Although embarrassing and irritating, when dealt with calmly by using effective discipline techniques most children grow out of it. Time Out is often over used by parents who have not thought up other discipline strategies.

Be Consistent. It is vital that your child knows that you always follow through.

Children don’t like being ignored so if your child’s behaviour is petty ignore him or her. For difficult behaviour that cannot be ignored, and for children who regularly disobey their parents Time Out can be useful if used correctly. The purpose of time out is to calm your child down and interrupt difficult behaviour. If a child is hysterical Time Out may not be the best solution. Research shows that Time Out is most effective for children three to six years of age. Time Out is inappropriate for children under two.

Time out is only effective when:

· The adult remains calm
· The child understands in advance about Time Out
· It is viewed as a calming measure
· It is not over used

To use Time out as an effective parenting technique I suggest the following guidelines. Children must be told clearly which behaviours lead to Time Out. Parent cannot change the rules on a whim or when they are angry. For example if the rules are Time Out is used for biting, hitting and throwing things you cannot decide to send your child to Time out for refusing to eat her carrots at meal time. Remind her that Time Out is a way of helping her to calm down and behave better. Children should be shown where the time out area is in advance.

Choose a safe, quiet boring place. Hallways, bottom step, chair facing a wall or a small rug are all suitable Time Out places. It is always a good idea to have a back up room to send your child if he refuses to stay in the Time Out area. Remember Time Out is not a punishment so don’t use a scary place such as a dark cupboard or cellar.

To be effective Time Out needs to be short about three minutes for a three-year-old, four minutes for a four year old, a minute for each year of a child’s life.

When your child has been quiet for about two minutes invite him to come out. If your child refuses to come out don’t cajole or nag simply ignore him, he will join you when he is ready. Ask your child for an apology. It is important at this point to discuss calmly and pleasantly what has happened don’t lecture. Many parents omit the final phase – the discussion. It is in fact the most important part of the using Time Out effectively because during the discussion the child is taught the correct way to behave. Finally give your child a hug to reassure him that you still love him. This is how to use time out as an effective parenting technique.

Henri Joyce is an experienced teacher and coaches effective parenting and parenting through divorce. She teaches a effective parenting techniques at the University Of Masters. To claim some valuable downloads and newsletters on effective parenting, you can subscribe to her popular newsletter at: http://www.effectiveparenting.co.uk

by Kelly Korbonski

Toddler Time Outs. I can remember vividly the day I brought my precious baby home from the hospital. I remember the moments of her gazing into my eyes, giving me kisses, and cuddling. I felt like those moments were going to last forever. And they have, but now squeezed in between those moments is a new personality that popped out of nowhere pushing the limits whenever she gets the chance. This is when I had to discover the word “time out”. I learned the word, but executing it was another challenge. How do I execute a time out? Where do I put her in a time out in public? Through trial and error, I have discovered some key tips that have really helped.

Quiet Time

One key trick I’ve learned is to know when my daughter is becoming overwhelmed. When I notice my daughter is getting worked up, I change the activity to something more calming. Such as going to her room to read, either together or by herself. I tell her that it is time for Quiet Time. Since using Quiet Time, I notice the number of “melt downs” have decreased.

Time-Out

My husband and I decided what types of behavior would warrant a Time Out. My daughter receives a warning such as “If you continue to… You are getting a Time Out.” If the behavior continues, I place her on a Time Out Mat. The Time Out is timed using a timer. It is recommended by most pediatricians that a child receives one minute for each year of life. For example, a three year old child receives a three minute time out. Once the Time Out is over, I repeat to her why she was placed in the Time Out and that is it unacceptable behavior. What I personally like about Time Out as a disciplining method is once it’s over she’s calm and playing again.

Consistency

The best advice I give to my friends, who are going down the disciplining road, is consistency. I found that when I was not consistent with following through, placement, and selective behaviors my daughter was testing my sincerity. I find it is important to place my daughter in the same place every time. She associates the Time Out Mat with being disciplined. Also, once I have given the “warning”, if the behavior continues she does not get another warning. She is immediately placed in Time Out.

In Conclusion

I was surprised that I had to learn how to effectively discipline my child. In theory, it seemed like it should be easy. But when I had to start disciplining, I found it confusing and unsettling. I had to learn what worked best for me and my daughter. The best piece of advice I received was from a nurse who said “Just remember, they’re not bad they are learning.”

Reprinted with permission.